I heard it was somewhat… Cathartic

2012-01-10T10:25:00.000-08:00

I recently went under the knife to prep for dialysis. Peritoneal, which means I get to do it at home as opposed to going into the Dialysis center three to 6 times a week. Yay, me!

I feel little let down, by life, because I was supposed to be healthy and riding a wave of joy and happiness into my early thirties. That's what I had been led to believe by any form of entertainment ever. OR, I was to have been cursed to work a menial, low wage paying job, struggling between paychecks, but having the solid support of friends, family and beer.

I don't know what went wrong. I am by no means suffering greatly, it's just my life has been thrown into upheaval ever since I got the news that my kidneys were failing eleven years ago. Maybe it was meant for me to go through this, so that I can wake from whatever slumber I had self inflicted and finally get down to actually doing something with my life.

I have a wonderful fiancé, a great son, and a mom and dad who want nothing but my happiness. I have a terrific little sister who thinks the world of me, and I even have an extended family with another father and siblings who have graciously welcomed me into their lives. And yet I still feel cheated. Like this wasn't supposed to happen to me. Why me?

I suppose the jump start was what I needed, after all, I was doing absolutely nothing with the design degree I had earned from TSTC. I was simply killing time... waiting for the end... No, that's not right, waiting for something outside of me to get me out of my own rut. But was that really the kidney disease? I don't think so. I think it was life and vitality of the young lady whom I intend to marry. Her joy for the world and her experience of her own life, gave me a way out of my own life and yet allowed me to construct a new, better life.

My spot

I heard it was somewhat… Cathartic